Now, before a horde of angry and over-holiday'd anti-consumerist solo flyers attack me for my God Awful ways like so many rabid geese...
The kind of Valentine's Day I want is of the second grade variety. That's right; first-rate, second grade. And here, in no particular order, are the five best reasons I have for wanting such a thing:
5. There is nothing in the world quite as awesome as having a cute boy write your name on a love note/paper with a piece of glued-on candy. There are people who will argue that there are many things better than this but they are WRONG. (And they are also probably: a) of the aforementioned first paragraph group and b) bound to see this little list fail.) And sure, these days I'm pretty limited to which cute boy brings me what kind of paper...so maybe this is all a thinly veiled request for my husband to bring me something to eat. And to write something on it first.
4. Cellophane and shiny red paper makes my heart flutter. Who couldn't use a good heart flutter? (Except for people with pacemakers.) There's something about really fancy paper that makes even the dreariest, froziest, Chicago-for-seven-straight-monthsiest day seem a little more special. And maybe- just maybe- during the midseason break of my programmes, I need something a little bit more special than sugar free pistachio pudding. (That last comment was aimed at no one. I'm sure he meant well.)
3. No mailbox has ever been as special to me as the one that I folded and taped to the front of my particle board desk in Mrs. Hodsoll's classroom, Highland Elementary, Pittsfield, Massachusetts, 01201. There was a feeling of anticipation that could not be matched- certainly not by any city mailbox attached to a chainlink fence in any part of Chicago, 60618. I don't know what the heck kind of missive I was expecting- I don't think I even kept any of them past Valentine's week. (You didn't celebrate the whole week?) Maybe it was just the notion that something mind-blowingly wonderful COULD find its way in there. When's the last time you stood and anxiously watched your mailbox, knowing that today, SOMEONE was going to DELIVER something WONDERFUL. (They had to! It was a classroom rule that you had to give out Valentines to everyone!) I guess what I'm saying is that I'd like my mandatory overwhelming correspondence. And I'd like it to be a surprise.
2. Love is a many splendored thing. It also keeps us together, lifts us up where we belong, can't be hurried, will lead you back, will never do without you, don't cost a thing, is a rollercoaster, a hangover, a power, a glory, a vision, a dream, all around, everlasting, hot and justified. (And yes, sometimes it bytes, stinks, hurts, won't wait, is tainted, fools fall into it, and it makes you a prisoner.) You'd do anything for it- but not that. And sometimes- only sometimes- it grows where my Rosemary goes. (And nobody knows it but me!)
1. And lastly- though not leastly- the best declarations of awesome are of the found art and free material variety. They always have been. It's January 6th. You officially have five and a half weeks to find a doily and glue a Hershey's kiss to it. You've all been given a pretty decent heads-up.
Although...come to think of it, if you find a piece of candy on the ground...leave it be. Really. Just a simple doily will suffice.
A simple mammoth one with questionable amounts of glitter.