We’ll keep this one brief, as I’ve got a few pressing things on my plate. And my “plate,” I mean “bladder.” (How’s THAT for mixing metaphors?) But I am indeed alive and well…well-ish…(Welsh?) and figured I could afford the time to jot down a few funny things of late…
Pregnancy (something I like to acknowledge between the all the goings-on with the house, apartment, car and, you know, work):
The baby has hiccups! Or I have rhythmic gas bubbles! Either way, it’s really cute, but still not something I’d like to have happen for more than nine months at a time. Imagine being an elephant (this is a fun exercise anyhow) and being pregnant for eighteen months! I mean, I feel like I’ve been in a “delicate condition” for about three years now, but still. It could be longer. Like pachyderm long.
The cleaning lady of one of the fams for which I nanny told me DEFINITELY that I’m having a girl. “Really?” I asked. “Absolutely,” she confidently told me. “A girl makes you tired and steals all your beauty.” THANKS! I informed her that I’ve got a bit going on now and haven’t really slept all that well lately, but she remained unconvinced. Perhaps my “beauty” is so far gone that even sleep couldn’t restore it? Thanks, daughter.
However, a lady in the park came up to me and opened the conversation like this; “A boy. You are having boy, yes?” When I told her that we didn’t know, she nodded and told me BOY, for I am out to HERE large. THANKS! She also told me how pretty I’m looking, so there. (Thanks, son!)
And some kidisms from work (that thing I try to do at least once a week):
Julia, 6 1/2, after rolling her eyes at how bossy her baby sister is becoming; “She just has to have her own way ALL THE TIME.” I laughed and said, “Now who does that remind me of?” She thought for a minute and nodded sagely. “My friend Carl. He’s from camp.”
Chance, 4 1/2, completely out of the blue; “Kiki, I love you and don’t want you to die.” After thinking this through VERY carefully, I thanked him and asked why he didn’t want me to die. He looked at me like I had three heads and replied, “Because I LOVE you.”
And Lily, 2, grabbing my chest and saying, “Are these babies like in your belly?” I told her that was my chest and she has one, too. Laughing hysterically, she patted my back and said her new favorite phrase; “Kiki, you are so cute.”
So the next time I post I will (God willing) have a new car, a packed-up apartment, an intact marriage and a house with floors, doors, windows and beds!
Some people just know how to live large, I guess.
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