Disposable cameras and other relics

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While digging through the storage bins of my “desk” “area” (yes, both of those nouns are separately deserving of air quotes), I came across a tiny disposable camera. It was covered in wedding bells and looked suuuper dated, so I knew immediately it was one of my long lost wedding tabletop cameras. (…From nine years ago.) I knew the quality wasn’t going to be superb. (I mean, I love my nearest and dearest, but put a few glasses of wine {Read More}

#RiseUp, a.k.a. Time to go back to church

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In today’s tale of… #BestLife questionable parenting moments …We have a quote from the one and only, five year-old, establishment-smashing child of mine. From the backseat of the car this morning, Suzy piped up with a question. “Mom? Do all churches have pictures of Jesus?” Knowing this was Suzy, and knowing that was not the real question she was asking, I paused for a second. “Well, Christian churches do.” “All?” “I think so, sweetheart.” “So, none have pictures of Alexander Hamilton?” {Read More}

Live-blogging jury duty*

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*…Not really. Because I’m fairly sure that’s illegal. Let’s try: Slightly time-delayed reporting on jury duty! I’m actually pretty excited about it. I’ve been training for this my entire life, what with the marathon sessions of Law & Order. (And Law & Order: Criminal Intent and Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and Law & Order: Trial by Jury and oh my God, am I now in that one?!) Some of you who’ve been reading since way back in the day {Read More}

Summertime haikus.

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Out of bread by noon Why do kids need to eat lunch It’s called “tapas,” guys. * Oh, working from home Togetherness redefined Please get off my ribs. * Sweet God, so much pee What are you aiming at, child? Potty training hurts. * * Let’s just lay out back. You smell like sunscreen, kiddo. That’s a great cloud shape. * That’s not an outfit Fine, it’ll do for today Jammies forever! * Is that what we do? You need {Read More}

Heartburn, A.K.A. How not to eat with a 2 year-old.

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The time: 7:56 a.m. The scene: The living room floor I could tell that the two littles were going to have a special brand of crazy for their day. Waking with the sun didn’t help. The humidity making their breakfast-covered jammies stick to their crabby little bodies didn’t do much to improve morale, either. So I decided to streamline my morning routine to almost nil, in order to turn this day around as soon as humanly possible. Please keep in {Read More}

The day I lost to steam cleaning.

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Yesterday, I used a steam cleaner for the first time. I realize I’m stating this like an AA introduction. While it’s nowhere near as destructive as an actual, physical addiction, I’m not entirely certain that the usage of said steam cleaner didn’t send me down the path of Bad Choices. Oh, it started out innocently enough… I secured the grout attachment (bringing the tally of times I’d even considered doing anything “grout-related” up to, oh, about one) and took a {Read More}

“Today I’ll Do A Cleanse”- A true story.

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9:03 p.m.: You know what? I don’t feel good. I bet I’d feel good if I did a cleanse. A really hardcore, greens-only, strictly liquid kinda cleanse. For three whole days. Starting tomorrow morning. 9:04 p.m.: Good Lord, I’m going to look incredible. My skin’ll probably glow, too. 9:05 p.m.: Maybe I’ll eat eggs though. Hard-boiled ones. With absolutely nothing on them. That n’ green juice. Man, I’ll feel great. 9:06 p.m.: Are almonds okay? I think almonds are okay. {Read More}

The night Nora asked for a tattoo.

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I was proud of myself, even though the question caught me off-guard. “Mom, when can I have a tattoo?” My six year-old posed the request and, even though I didn’t really feel like outlining my hopes and dreams and fears for her in the middle of dinner prep, I knew I really didn’t have a choice. The hard parts of motherhood wait for no man’s spinach enchiladas.  So. I stepped up and mothered, dammit. I explained the concept of permanence, {Read More}