I’m extremely lazy. Or exhausted. Late at night, I can’t tell which it is. And it’s been causing some guilt. I like to call this guilt- Floss Guilt.
I know I should floss. I spent 6k on my teeth in the past handful of years alone (not to mention Braces 1.0 that was sponsored by my folks between ’90-’92. It didn’t “take.” Some may blame a latent latex allergy; I happen to know that I have evil teeth.)
But by the end of the evening, I find that I can barely muster the energy to check items off of my usual bedtime routine: teeth, retainer (did you know that I wear a retainer? Now everyone does.), three step face ‘system’ (I have a thing for infomercials), cocoa butter for “problem areas” (which- ahem- is strictly preventative), *TMI ALERT* using the pump (or as Annie and Kat call it, “playing a polka-” it’s very rhythmic), taking vitamins, Thermos of Dutch cocoa, seaweed wrap, chilled cucumber slices, mini mani/pedi, brow maintenance, a section of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s “Sonnets From The Portuguese…”
The idea of adding ‘floss,’ regardless of how crucial it may be- exhausts me.
I informed P.J. that I was too tired to floss.
“Okay.”
Too tired to floss? my inner adult scolded. Are you also too tired for future dental anguish? (Sometimes I don’t even need anyone else with whom to argue.)
So I flossed. Angrily. Lots o’ huffing and sighing. And timed it. Thirty seconds! Cheesen’crackers, it takes longer to organize Mount St. Pillows on our bed each morning! (And I never skip that.) So I added flossing into the routine.
Except for last night. ‘Cause I was too tired.
And speaking of timing activities we don’t feel like doing- Real Simple has a new segment called Speed Cleaning. Now, I love Real Simple more than I could possibly extol. Truly. It’s a minor [major] obsession. But I think they might have overSimplified things this month. (See that right there?)
This month’s Speed Clean was…”Your Porch. A total transformation in 10 minutes or less.” Okay, I don’t have a porch, per se (certainly not the Tara-esque one featured in the mag), but I’m feeling game. Even gamey. Let’s clean:
-Minutes 1 and 2 tell me to remove everything from the porch. Done.
-Minute 3 says to wipe down all of the objects with a damp cloth. Okay, maybe I can do it that quickly.
-Minute 4- “Using an extendable duster, sweep cobwebs from high corners, overhangs and shutters.” A minute? Really? It’s gonna take me twice that long to locate an extendable duster, let alone use it. More if I hafta walk over to Walgreens.
-Minutes 5 and 6- Wipe down all metal and wood surfaces. Also- clean the windows. Really? Really?
-Minute 7- Sweep the porch and steps. Okay, maybe I can do that one in a minute. But I may have used up some time from whining about the windows.
-Minute 8- “Dip a long-handled scrub brush in the bucket and clean the floor.” I am but one woman, Real Simple. (Have you ever cleaned any floor in a minute? Junk, it’s taken me half that to complain about this step.)
-Minutes 9 and 10- Once everything is dry, I’m supposed to put everything back, then get myself something to drink on my awesomely clean porch.
Perhaps a chilled IV bag to replenish the fluids lost in the death march called Speed Clean Your Porch.
(I much prefer the game called Hose Off Your Cracked Cement Patio.)
And now, some kudos; the blog’s recently been gifted with some sweet awards. Thanks to Kristin@Ellie-Town and JoeyRes at Big Teeth And Clouds! I’d like to pay it forward as well (minus the horrid script and overblown budget), and acknowledge some fellow bloggers without whom I could not get through the day.
-My youngest sister Emma’s blog: Huckleberry Flynn. I recommend not having a beverage anywhere near the vicinity of your mouth and/or nose when you read her lyrical dissections.
-The bitingly witty Caitlin Montanye Parrish and Everything Loose Will Land. I’m lucky enough to be in a secret society with her.
-The multi-talented Regina at And Baby Makes Four. She shops organically. She cooks. She has two boys. She has still yet to come make ANY of the dishes featured on her blog.
-Rick at Retired Pastor Ruminates (and also Rick’s Recipes!) I will forever known him as Reverend Floyd, seeing as he baptized me and all. One blog is full of literary wit, the other teeming with truly yummy recipes.
-My pal Leah at Tin Roof, Rusted. Nora’s in love with Leah’s son Calder, and I’m in love with the fact that she and I are both from Western Mass.
-The hilarious Nifer and Jeremy at He Said and She Said. Contrasting views on arbitrary themes? False. I daresay they are crucial themes.
-Neato keeno Gwynne at God Spam. Trivia: We were almost roommates back at Camp Hamp. Due to a lack of follow-through, this did not occur. I think she lucked out. I am a horrid roommate.
And before this turns into a lengthier blogroll than the one featured on the side of this page, may I recommend that you seek awesome reads there, as well? Can’t go wrong. They are all Keely-Approved. I’d thumbprint them if I could.
If I weren’t tangled in floss.
Speak Your Mind