Things That Go Bump In The Tank Top.

I’ve been seeing a ton of my friends post baby bump pix- both old and new- and I’ve been inspired to join their [protruding] ranks.

So here, darling friends, is what 14 weeks looks like.

If it’s your third baby.

And you have possess the shortest torso known to [wo]man.

Behold.

And now you know my dirty little secret: if you can’t remember
the last time you washed your hair, do French braids! Whimsical!

This is the pregnancy that Nora acknowledged at 6 weeks (!!) when she inquired about my “baby belly.” I, ever the evasive master, asked her if it was possible that I had just eaten a lot of food. She patiently smiled and asked if the baby had been eating all of my food, too?

Also, yes. I had “popped” at 6 weeks. And proceeded to feel like I was hungover on the stormy seas for weeks n’ weeks n’ weeks to come. And then soldiered on with a positively vendetta-worthy consumption of avocados, watermelon, and liverwurst.

For fun, here’s a pic of what 14 weeks looked like during my first pregnancy. Note how rested/unaffected/chubbier because I thought eating for two meant eating for eleventy billion I look! Hey there, 2009:

I loved this apartment so hard.

But even though things have changed drastically in the past four years- and even though I won’t be rocking a Catwoman suit any time soon- it’s still the best job I’ve ever had/rollercoasted onto.

Even at 1am, when a certain toddler needs me to say “sankyou” and “nightnight” to the air conditioner.

Even then.

No, for seriously.

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