No vegans here, thankyouverymuch.

Last night we went out to dinner at Brazzaz, a fantastic Brazilian steakhouse for an all-you-can-eat steak, chicken, bacon-wrapped anything and lamb extravaganza. Turns out, we can pack away quite a bit of protein. They also have the best salad bar I’ve even seen in my life. (Does that make me sound like a rube? I hope not.) They had oysters!The “all you can eat” aspect reminded me of an Ellen Degeneres standup bit (“Do we really need all we can eat? We’re not bears.”) but it was still fun to attempt. It got a little stressful towards the middle of dinner, however. They have these chips that say on one side “Yes, please” and on the other “No, thank you.” That means that the meat-wielding gauchos will pass by your table with alarming regularity and if they see the “yes” chip they begin their litanies; Shrimp? Yes please. Lamb chop? Sure! Filet? Flank? Sausage? Oh, well I… Bacon-wrapped chicken? Bacon-wrapped bacon? I mean, sure, yes, I like those things, but… Grilled pineapple? Please stop! Okay, fine, one piece. Two, yes, okay fine, but that’s it.

Thankfully P.J. had the presence of mind to turn the chip over for me. But then the stress of flagging down the gaucho whose meat you wanted (that sounds weird) with the “Yes, please” chip without sending out the wrong signals to the gaucho you like just fine but aren’t interested in that way. It was also sort of like a seance where you’re putting yourself out there for something but you really don’t know who’s gonna end up at the table. P.J. was exceptional at turning the chip, but I’d get so excited at my third helping of grilled pineapple that before you could say Garlic Beef Coulette I’d get gauchoed. We ended up with a few prime cuts of Guilty Beef for not being quick enough on the “No, thanks” chip.

That said, it was excellent and I highly recommend it. Did I mention that their salad bar has fresh oysters? They do.

Tonight I’m being featured as part of Chicago Dramatists’ Instant Theatre. Nine playwrights, a few parameters for the script and actors who show up with no idea of whom or what they’re playing. It is so, so fun. 8pm at the Dramatists’ Theatre. Free! Need more? My one-act is called “Go to Bed, Janie,” and our “rules” for the night were to feature a situation where someone is “on the edge” of something. Also, to play around with the “rules” of up and down, east and west, our ideas of space and so forth. I’ve already said too much.

I am so full.



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