Nora is currently not speaking to me.
This is incredibly hard for her to get across, seeing as she is all of four months old.
Her success in doing so makes it even more harsh. So, why the cold onesie?
I let a [relatively] complete stranger hold her down and jab three needles in her thighs, after subjecting her to the humiliation of sucking on a bitter dropper full of something supposedly medicinal. Then I blew in the direction of her face to ensure she swallowed the vile stuff.
AND THEN I dressed her in a side-buttoning shirt proclaiming that she was “Just Ducky!”
I’d ignore me, too.
We just came from her four-month checkup- and, without bragging, I’d like to inform everyone that Nora is the smartest, most alert, strongest and cutest baby…in the 10th percentile. (Which is Just Ducky as well. Smallish duckling-y.)
The vaccines, while a terrible experience for her, are absolutely horrific for me. I am not the bravest of adults. Being wheeled into surgery to have Nora, my own husband had to remind me to be a Brave Little Toaster. (Anyone?) I cry at Campbell’s soup commercials and the Sleepytime Bear has brought on the Ugly Cry more than once. The night light in the hall is NOT for our infant daughter, but in fact to stave off my intense fear of the dark. And those mealworms that appear in old boxes of pasta have given me the shakes.
That said, I’d take all of Nora’s shots for her. Heck, I’d take them in the eye if it meant she didn’t have to get jabbed (and subsequently give me the Look of utter betrayal and abandonment.)
Wait. I’m tearing up. And not from imaginary needles in my ocular cavities, either.
Okay. We’ll be okay.
Please talk to me, Nora. When you wake up, that is.
In other You Should Totally Have a Baby, It Won’t Change A Thing news- all of my hair is falling out. I’ve been assured that this is normal- but remember when I freaked out when N’s tresses fell out, leaving her with what I like to call The Ed Asner? Yeah, this is worse. Apparently my vanity trumps the vanity I have for my daughter. (Whatever. She’s stunning. She doesn’t NEED my projected vanity.)
This could be dealt with in the usual way (hats) and forgotten, if not for the unfortunate side effect called: toe tourniquets. Did I mention this in an earlier post? About a month ago, lint from Nora’s sock got wrapped around her toe, cutting off circulation and forcing me to hack at a miniature piece of string (and some skin, too) with an impossibly small pair of “safety” nail clippers. It was traumatic. For both of us this time.
Now, imagine that my hair is falling out in crazy bunches of strands (it is) and my newly dexterous kid is helping that along. And let’s pretend that these hairs are wrapping themselves around fingers and toes with wild abandon, requiring that each outfit change have the tension of a bomb being diffused, lest I yank off a digit in my hurry to swap pastel Mary Jane socks. She even pooed out a tiny hairball recently, furthering my suspicion that she is, indeed, part kitten-cat.
In non-bodily function-related news: the house has seemed to settle back into place since the past weekend’s baptism (or, as 2-year old Lily refers to it- “When Baby Nora was appetized.”) I just removed four bags of recycling from the house. (Yay- planet Earth! Boo…consumerism.) We also moved Nora into her nursery for night sleeping. Last night she slept a whopping 8.5 hours on her own- this would have been more awesome if I hadn’t felt the crazy need to check on her three times. She was fine. I am tired.
Also, I bought my blog. Why? Who knows? These are the types of sleep-deprived decisions that I make EVERY DAY. I guess I had a fear that it would either a) be randomly deleted- this has been done to me before- or b) someone might try to buy my blog’s name. Don’t ask me who. Maybe one of you guys? Which one of you wants my blog? I could delegate. I think I’m at a point where I could happily ghost-write. (Remember Ghostwriter? The show, not the movie with Ewen McGregor. That was a terrific series.)
The new addy, as you may have noticed, is www.lollygagblog.com. No more Blogspot! However, as Blogger has lovingly agreed to forward readers to the new address, it really cuts your hands-on work down to a negligible amount. In fact, there is literally no change for you at all. I really shouldn’t have even mentioned it. You have enough on your plate. Forget I said anything.
(The address for which to send appropriate headwear, Xanax, down comforters and Lady Rogaine has not changed. I leave the frequency of such care packages up to your discretion.)
And now, naptime with my favorite Valentine-hatted, Otto-clutching, Tylenol-dosed main gal.