|This guy. Seriously.|
My husband has a habit of aging. (A year and four months behind me. It's a good trick.) To commemorate the awesomesaucitude that is P.J., here's a list of the top 31 reasons he's known and loved and is the coolest thing since the introduction of the IBM personal computer (also unleashed on the world in 1981):
31. He makes being a guy who just happens to own and love cats look kinda cool.
30. Dude has more computers in his home office than Max Headroom. (Bonus points if you're not fifteen and can remember Max Headroom.)
29. He wears Italian leather shoes and neon green sneakers with equal aplomb.
28. P.J. knows what "aplomb" means, as well as dozens of other words that he can pepper into conversation with one thousand percent accuracy.
27. Guy gives a massage that can make one cry and/or fall into a deep slumber. This isn't a creepy assertion- lots of other folks (some related, some notsomuch) can attest to this as well.
26. There's a Louisville Slugger next to his bedside table- just in case some fool thinks breaking in would be a grand idea. I have zero doubt that he'd be just fine. (P.J., I mean. Maybe the bat. Prolly not the intruder.)
25. On that note, he has yet to leave me after I've repeatedly shrilled "What's that sound?!" Instead, he has quietly walked downstairs, checked the place out, and come back to bed with soothing words. At 2am.
24. Have you heard him rap Ice, Ice Baby? How about sing Whatta Man? Highly recommend. (Word to your mother.)
23. The other morning, I awoke to find P.J. and Nora playing in hushed tones in N's bedroom. At 6am. He had originally gone in to tell her try to get some more sleep, but at the slightest request there he was- knee deep in Barbie outfitting drama. (Who needs an extra half an hour of sleep when you've got a three year-old who thinks you're a superhero?)
22. Even though he hasn't the slightest experience in concrete repair, as soon as our stoop started to crumble he armed himself with Quikcrete and his finest ripped jeans- and proceeded to cheerfully spend the next six hours of his Saturday bailing water from the sinking ship that is our home's exterior.
21. Despite really wanting to fall asleep on the couch in front of Real Time With Bill Maher, he makes it up to his actual bed (and his hates-to-sleep-alone wife) by a decent hour.
20. P.J. makes the best blueberry pancakes in the known world.
19. He power-washed an irate rat from under our tool shed...and didn't even bat an eye.
18. Peej is extremely frugal and coupon-happy, yet will always use our AmEx points to treat us to an awesome night out at one of Chicago's best restaurants. It's a thrilling combination.
17. When something breaks in our house, his first thought is never Whom should we call? Dude gets on it himself. (Questionable, yet admirable.)
16. This guy really loves (and is wicked loyal to) his family. All two thousand members of his immediate, extended, by marriage, long distance, and/or clinically insane family.
15. He can talk to anyone. Anyone. (Admittedly, for hours...)
14. Daddified or not, he continues to have (and have knowledge of) the best music out there. (And he'll happily burn you a CD.)
13. P.J. is about as Bleeding Heart, Flag-Burnin' Liberal as they come...but can (and will) respectfully converse with people of differing political opinions. (Now tell me that's not rare and admirable these days.)
12. He has worn fairy wings to be the prettiest princess with his two daughters. Many, many times.
11. His cocktail-mixing skills are second to none. (And he doesn't even roll his eyes at a request for extra maraschino juice.)
10. The guy is incredibly smart, and picks up knowledge, trivia- and languages- rather easily. I'd find it annoying if not for the times I've found myself in other countries without the ability to ask for the bagno gratuito.
9. He's impossible to surprise- yet constantly surprises me. This one falls into the good/bad category, but I grudgingly admit that he'd make a stellar ninja.
8. Remember that time he killed a rat with his bare hands?
7. Immediately after walking in the door from work, P.J. strips down to a tee shirt and jeans. (Comfort be damned- it's so he can carry two sauce-covered beasties directly to the tub after dinner.)
6. At the slightest mention, he'll drop his evening plans (catching up on work, taking out the trash, etc., etc., etc.) to make a gigantic bowl of popcorn and watch a movie. No, really. Just ask. Really.
5. He's seen every movie. Twice. And he owns most of them. And yeah, they're alphabetized in gigantic sleeves. Want to watch one? He'll burn you a copy.
4. Peej's ideal Saturday morning is making a large platter of bacon, playing on the floor with his daughters, scrolling through various Words With Friends games on his phone, listening to something vinyl, and staying in pajama pants until roughly 1pm. (Who cares if there's still breakfast stuff to clean up from? Lemme show you this hilarious article on Slate.com...)
3. He hates to cuddle. Space is space is please shove back over to your side so we can sleep. Yet there he is- cuddling.
2. P.J. drives like a man on fire being chased by zombies. Yet he takes it as seriously as if it were going to be on the test.
1. He's my biggest and most relentless supporter- and I'm only one of a large group lucky enough to say the same.
(Peej- I love you more than coconut milkshakes and Murder She Wrote reruns. Happy birthday!)