Mini Kitchen Makeover, Part 1, AKA PJ Twitches In The Corner.

Funny story- we have no idea what that brown glop consisted of, only that it required a chisel to pry free. A CHISEL. Also, that orange travel mug on the counter was what I used to catch water from the gushing sink drain mere moments after this picture was taken. Can you see the rat? Not yet? Wait half a year. They’ll be right by that pipe.

Another pic circa 2009. It was around this time when I started having doubts of being a homeowner. As in, I already wicked missed renting.

Ah, here we go. This was taken last week. That tile is really helping no one at all, huh? If you can zoom in, it’s easier to see the dated pattern, impossible-to-remove grease stains from the ’50s, and more than a few splotches of my teardrops. The flash of my camera, however, IS my friend. It masks the “Victorian Pearl” shade of paint better known as “Baby Pink.” (We realized it was “Baby Pink” once the third coat had dried in the kitchen. And up and down three staircases. Ha HA!)

Same kitchen, same last week. Those cabinets aren’t really bringing their A Game, now are they? Probably because they’re warped, faded, and at least three separate grains and types of wood. And that counter just puts the lame in laminate, doesn’t it? (If you try really hard and shove the ‘e’ from the back to right next to the ‘m’.)

Last Friday: So we had our guy- he of Oh My God, My Sewer Exploded, Can You Fix This Floor fame- rip the backsplash tiles out and away forever and ever Amen. Not Pictured: Me, sobbing on the ground when Danny informed me that the walls in the kitchen were made of yellowed, crumbling plaster. (“How old is this house, again?” Asked in grudging admiration. Answer: Not old enough or with character enough to be fully awesome. Juuuust…old enough to be broken.)

I took advantage of this mini overhaul to scrape three layers of shelf liner from each cabinet. It was a soul-crushing job. I kinda wished the house’s exterior had been made of this stuff. IT WILL OUTLIVE US ALL.

This past weekend: Here I am, attempting to heat and peel the third layer from the first board in the first cabinet. Also, pleasantly telling my eldest to kindly not spray me with a bottle of water while I’m holding an electrical appliance. Shortly thereafter, we switched to flat razors. ON THE SHELVES, THE SHELVES. You can also [kinda] see that I’ve painted the walls a color that Behr calls “Pip” and I call “Well, I guess we just have white walls, huh?” P.J. is thrilled. He thinks white walls are what adult homes have.

Monday: After the guys from N-Hance wood renewal took our cabinet doors back to their warehouse for prepping, I realized that my daughters FINALLY- at long last- had somewhere to sit and read.

Tuesday: The fellas at N-Hance sanded and polished the cabinet frames while the doors were off becoming fully awesome. And those are the stripped shelves which drove me (and Peej and Nora and Suzy and my oh-so tolerant pal Bethany) fully crazy. If I ever suggest using shelf liner to anyone, you all have full permission to bludgeon me to death- or at least give me hundreds of floral, plasticky papercuts.

Wednesday: It pretty much looks we got all new cabinets. These puppies were buffed, repaired, and stained Burnt Umber, AKA The Color Which Renewed My Faith In This Ridiculous Kitchen.

I love this color. Also, the new drawer pulls. “Keely,” you ask. “Are those dark brass with copper edging?” Yes, yes they are. And they’re spectacular.

This was totally worth shoving the entirety of the kitchen into dining room for the better part of the week.

But boy, those counters are still janky, right? And what about that unfinished plaster wall, just primed n’ ready for a new glass mosaic backsplash? Stay tuned for next week, when we get a non-janky counter and a new glass mosaic backplash! I’ll be here. 

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