So, in roughly the amount of time it took to BUILD a new (and smallish) house, we managed to PURCHASE one! For crazy amounts of Monopoly money that I was briefly allowed to touch before it was snapped up in the hands of Lawyers. (Would someone like to buy me a sandwich? I feel that to make this purchase work, we may have to forego “food” for a while.)

It’s totally worth it! No apartment number EVER AGAIN!

We sat on the floor of our new place (in one of the three living rooms, mind you) and marveled at the fact that this mammoth money pit was now ours. Ours! As we looked around at the extraordinarily barren rooms (sans appliances, fixtures, some doors) we wondered if perhaps we should have alloted a bit more money to actual “furniture.” Eh, that stuff sorts itself out.

I had a grand moment at the closing table (after my aching hand forgot how to write the n in Schoeny- a few less than legitimate documents are out there penned by one Keely Schoey- wherein I had to sign a Social Security statement that proclaimed me to be a “home maker.” (Long story.) I gleefully looked at P.J., who promptly turned back and mouthed “No.”

“I’m gonna tell people I am, anyhow.”

“That sounds fun. Go nuts.”

“I’m not going to work anymore.”

“Yes you are.”

“I won’t sign.”

“You already did, Mrs. Schoey.”

I might just be the home maker who wins the Out of the Actual Home the Most award. But I make it, baby. (And shall until at least 8.1.39. That’s right. My mortgage goes to 2039, which isn’t even a real number.)

In other Just How Much Do These Fools Have, Anyhow news, we just got back from a week with Peej’s family in Myrtle Beach. Which sounds very old-peopley and Southern, which it also is. It does boast, however, 85 degree salty waves that do not care how pregnant you are or what SPF of baby sunblock you are wearing. And that is why we had a torrid, weeklong affair, that stretch of the Atlantic and I- regardless of that time I may or may not have been stung by a baby jelly-like creature. The sea let me float and I let my kid stop pressing directly into my kidneys. (Relationships have been based on less.)

It was a lovely week with two parents, eight siblings and in-laws, six nieces and nephews and two second-trimester gals. Plus, LOTS of tacos. Pivotal vacation food, especially if you are the second-trimester gals.

And, aside from the our friends’ wedding that we were part of the weekend prior and the car that we are about to purchase (today!) and the show of mine that is getting produced in a festival in which P.J. was cast…not too much else is abuzz.

And the uppercut to the bladder that little Bitsy Pickles is now handing out means that it’s either time for a nap or a snack. Hopefully I can have a little of both, as all of the non-internal children in this house are napping and my scenes are done for this week! Also, doesn’t little Bitsy Pickles sound like a vaudeville name? (I have left the fear that this child will be part taco. That was very first trimester. This kid is all dill pickles and onions. But “Onions” seemed inauspicious for a baby. Did you know that “Chicago” is a Native American word for wild onion grass? Coincidence? Probably.)

Until later, I wish you love, pickle slices, and red onions dipped in horseradish. I’ll save the kisses ’til next trimester.